I may not have the experience to REALLY quantify myself as an expert on dating/relationships (as most other OT people know)... But I have seen plenty of real-life examples of what works and what doesn't in my life plenty of times to be able to give this advice.
I know it has been said in many different times and ways in this thread, but here's my reiteration: I'm old-fashioned and a die-hard romantic, so individual results may vary.
First and foremost, relationships are all about trust. If you have to feel guarded, paranoid or even frequently have a slight tinge of doubt cross your mind about the status in your relationship, that's called bullshit. Cheating is NEVER OK... Maybe less frowned upon if she's with another girl and plans on giving you a threesome
or you're in an open relationship with all parties consenting and acknowledging to this type of relationship, but those are all completely different stories.
In Spanish there's a saying: "sufres porque quieres", or "you suffer because you want to". Finding out that your exclusive girlfriend is not exclusive after all is a pretty devastating blow, but to continue it despite knowing this is the definition of prolonging your suffering.
Second, I understand that she's your first love, but sometimes the first of everything isn't necessarily the best, which at best can be used for a stepping stone towards something bigger and better. For example: I can't complain much about my first car and there were of course its shortfalls, but I've driven some much better cars since then. Going back to what you said:
Quote:
Originally Posted by smoosh
I guess its more of a comfort factor than anything else. Just knowing that I can look forward to the weekend and spending it with her, and chatting with her during a stressful week, etc.
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Well, just about any respectable woman has those qualities... What about a great cook, keeps a clean house, waxes her pubes (at least that's what I like), and lets you do butt stuff, and sucks you off like your mammal sauce can cause world peace (on 2 completely separate nights or at least a thorough shower... I'd barf if a girl does an ATM)?
Third, let's say you're trying to get over a woman and tempted to get back together. My answer? GFTOW or Go Fuck Ten Other Women. It's your hormones that miss her, not necessarily you; it's a mindfuck that testosterone throws at you since you miss her pussy, but it manifests in your brain as her as a person. If you aren't lucky enough to have a fuck buddy or can't score a one-night-stand, fap it out, then reevaluate where things are, and I can almost guarantee that you'd either see less of a reason to take her back.
4. Speaking of which, I've instilled a strict policy since the moment I've started dating in general: If you break up, FINALIZE IT. Put it to sleep like an animal dying of an incurable cancer. DO NOT take ANYBODY back no matter how much they beg and plead; every immediate take-back is ALWAYS a roller-coaster that dips and troughs from the most major things (like cheating) all the way down to being in the middle of your 14th breakup since you forgot to take the trash out, and it sets a precedent for any relationships that come after that whereby you have an endless amount of cycles.
For girls that are worth it (again, cheating is a "NO-DEAL" instant breakup so this doesn't apply), I even have a method if she pulls that shit:
I sternly say to her something like, "I know you want to leave me, but I am giving you a (48 hours-1 week, depending on severity of argument leading up to it) grace period to think about it. If you still feel that breaking up is the only answer, keep in mind we'll be 100% through; I will NEVER take you back, even if we were the last humans alive and we need to repopulate Planet Earth. Otherwise, I suggest you use the word breakup wisely because I won't give you a grace period the next time you say it."
Last but not least, another way to put it: Don't fall for cold shit syndrome.