Quote:
Originally Posted by Naz24
ok, i think its time i play. although this isnt really about me getting laid, its more about me getting rid of psycho lady.... Let's call her Cauliflower, because all she did was cook with cauliflower, I swear, she made mashed cauliflower, cauliflower roasted chicken, cauliflower dessert. it was all too much.
I dated this girl one summer, (she rode horses, do not date girls who ride horses, sorry Lups if you ride... ). Anyway, i was in college, she went to UMiami, i went to Cornell. I was very lukewarm on her anyway, so it didnt matter much that the end of the summer was approaching quickly and i had no plans to stay together (hell, who wants a 1,400 mile relationship with a girl who only eats cauliflower)
At the end of the summer, i decided to end it. Cauliflower did not like this. She did not get the hint, and began sending me care packages up to cornell (which i truly didn't mind); but what i did mind were the 25 calls/texts/snapchats/etc in a row. I had to finally get rid of Cauliflower.
Enter my best friend. He was ripped, sang opera, and a scratch golfer with a pretty nice trust fund. EVERY GIRLS DREAM! So one day, i let him answer the phone when cauliflower calls. They get to talking--two hours later he reappears. "hey, that girl is pretty nice, i bet she's good in bed, too". My evil plan was beginning to work!
a week later, my friend comes to me and says these exact words, "i hope you dont mind, but cauliflower bought me two tickets down to florida to visit her next weekend"
FUCK. YES. Such an easy out for me.
So my friend goes down to florida, visits cauliflower, comes back, realizes shes is bat shit crazy (she stole a pair of his jeans so he 'had to' go back and visit her again). Of course he never visited her again. But he did mention watching cops, while eating cauliflower, while cauliflower eats his....
So my friend and i both benefit immensely. I never had to talk to her again, and i successfully pawned my friend off to a psycho cauliflower nut
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Oh god you're as bad as mixer sixer and me. Horses are cool on and off the plate but nobody should be horny enough to go for a cauliflower eater.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Axius
You're missing out, breh. Especially the pic that went around of her huge ballsack. Epic.
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I'd vote for ya! I could be your Lewinsky!