"Lazy" GF... How to motivate?

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by drexplode

ask her if she is satisfied with the current situation and relationship. If not then the next question is "what do you wish to change". Give her the ownership of acknowledging the situation. If she is content and doesn't want anything to change then think long and hard if you want to remain in that situation. You aren't going to change her but you can change who you are with. Sorry for the hard truth.

I like this. Go with this, OP.

[Lups]

Originally Posted by RickFLM4

I don’t think we are missing your view. We just don’t all agree that she is the entire problem and that OP should be “fucking merciless”. Having problems in a relationship are inescapable. Talking about them is important and how you approach problem resolution is crucial. Referring to someone who is working full-time and traveling for work as “lazy” while ordering her to do shit and suggesting she join a gym is simply not a constructive way to solve any problems. The first post in this thread highlights at least as many flaws in OP as the GF.

I'm going to die of a massive cold soon (and I'm not at all fishing for sympathy here but please give that too!) so as my final act on this planet I want you to know that you're very, very right.

Goodbye cruel world!

[Habs11]

No energy to read this entire thread.....

I have a problem with the language of the OP - it sounded like... I told my GF she had to do this. Then I said you gotta do that because it's been 4 days. If that's really how the communication works it's not healthy.

Understanding what you both want from your careers and the relationship and will those goals align???? that's where I would start.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by Habs11

No energy to read this entire thread.....

I have a problem with the language of the OP - it sounded like... I told my GF she had to do this. Then I said you gotta do that because it's been 4 days. If that's really how the communication works it's not healthy.

Understanding what you both want from your careers and the relationship and will those goals align???? that's where I would start.

It goes both ways, though. If the gf is just gonna act like a deaf zombie then fuck her too.

[Captain Blood]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

It goes both ways, though. If the gf is just gonna act like a deaf zombie then fuck her too.

That may be why the OP keeps her around

[Taskmaster]

OP, I'm a younger guy with an even younger (now ex) GF who was in the same situation.

GF didn't work, didn't go to school and didn't seem motivated to change any of that. I would press her into doing things, and she would get upset.

Broke up a month ago, and last I heard, she's with a new guy doing the same thing over again. It sucks, and it hurts - but I'm better in the long run, and you will be too.

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by Real Dodger

That may be why the OP keeps her around

We still need pics of this size 0 unicorn gem

[Taskmaster]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

We still need pics of this size 0 unicorn gem

My ex was a size 2 or so - and 5'11 (taller than me)
So this woman has to be tiny.

[Habs11]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

... then fuck her too.

Need pics to verify

[TheWatchGuy]

Did OP ever say if he helps around the house or is that the "womans job"? I can see that playing a big part in this as well. GF sees him going out (to the gym, but still out) while he wants her to pick up, and understandably says fuck it

I work long hours, and sometimes I just want to sit on the couch, get drunk and pass out. And the same goes for my wife. It happens, you get burnt out.

[R3dliner]

I think the biggest question is why the OP would start a thread about this on a public forum. I think he's the problem

[jaye944]

I've started worse...... on many a forum

It may be public, but g'tee, not too many ppl actually know the OP
and the OP's GF wont be reading it.

He's getting advice from his peers, friends and a grp of ppl he can relate to.

MANY a year ago ppl used to right into newspapers in to the "Dear Annie" column or whatever.

Originally Posted by R3dliner

I think the biggest question is why the OP would start a thread about this on a public forum. I think he's the problem

[jaye944]

Late to the party,

Dude, your on a hiding to nothing, DON'T marry her, move on, (I think the very first reply said a similar thing)

TAKE it from a man that knows, this shit never get's better.

She has ONE mentality "Live to work"

Without boring you with the full details of my F'd up situation
Similar thing, she's in middle management, does "9-5" then 5-2am, permanently on call
Bitches about not being able to eat, having no life yada yada yada,
complains things don't get done, but I can't touch anything or do anything as "I'm not doing it right" or "don't touch me stuff"

But it's ALL her doing, she makes the choices

Let me give you a piece of advise from a guy who has been on both sides, made a lot of mistakes and dated plenty of women (long/short term and married)

FIND a women who wants to spend her time WITH YOU given the chance.
Who is going to share the chores or split the chores,
Your partner MUST have the ethic "I Work to LIVE" my job is important and pays the bills but I am dead without my partner.

We ALL have good points and bad points, good days bad days.

But ON the whole 90% of the time, you and your partner spend should be about getting into each others pants, working out how to bunk of work, if that's not happening, then she's wrong for you.

There is POF in the sea, go find a stunning mermaid bro

Originally Posted by qba335i

How do you motivate your GFs/partners?

My girlfriend is in sales (management role), travels pretty frequently and works 50+ hours a week. Her job is pretty stressful/demanding and by the time she gets home all she wants to do it lay on the couch (nap), watch mindless TV and sit on Instagram.

I am trying to motivate her to do something outside of work, but it's not going well. She is pretty sensitive (and I am very direct) so it always ends up in an argument that she is not good enough for me and that our jobs are different... and it goes downhill pretty fast.

Example: She was traveling most of last week - came back home on Friday night. On Tuesday around 6pm I told her that by the time I get back from gym (9:30PM) she has to organize her clothes as they were all over the second bedroom and finally clean the receipts (she needs to submit them for reimbursement and they were on the table since Sunday). I also mentioned that it's a 4th day that she is on the couch and it would be nice if she finally signed up for gym... Fast forward a few days and she is still beyond pissed.

[jaye944]

you gotta man cold or summet ?

Originally Posted by Lups

I'm going to die of a massive cold soon (and I'm not at all fishing for sympathy here but please give that too!) so as my final act on this planet I want you to know that you're very, very right.

Goodbye cruel world!

[Rampant]

Originally Posted by Never_Enough

Nah, love does NOT conquer all. Ask me how I know. Unhappiness is unhappiness. If she won't get it in gear & you can't deal with it, it's time to end it.

You might be misunderstanding me.

If the OP does truly love his GF, then this might be enough *for him*.

Like I said - you can't change who you fall in love with - and that's all there is to it, sometimes.

I sometimes have a difficult time with my Mrs. But the fact remains that I do love her and that means I don't give up on it.

But everyone is different, and I know for a fact that some guys are not able to love anyone but themselves. For an onlooker, this might appear to be an ideal life, when one can flit from one thing to another and never really become attached, but for them, they will be lonely. Always. So I'll stick with my perhaps unperfect match, in some people's eyes, because in reality, I have the one I love, even though I know that every relationship is always a to some extent favours one side or the other in some way. That's how real life works for some people. Great that we're all different, though

Yours Aye

Mark H

[Lups]

Originally Posted by jaye944

you gotta man cold or summet ?

No, I am going towards the light already!

I can deal with dog bites, or giving birth but a running nose and even a tiny rise in temperature and I turn in to the most pathetic patient in the world. I shit you not, I've landed my ass in an ICU because of a laryngitis once and of course I skipped on the gene that enables all other females to suffer in silence.

[jaye944]

But if you do pop your clogs, can I get your lingerie.... errm, It's
just something I'm into

Originally Posted by Lups

No, I am going towards the light already!

I can deal with dog bites, or giving birth but a running nose and even a tiny rise in temperature and I turn in to the most pathetic patient in the world. I shit you not, I've landed my ass in an ICU because of a laryngitis once and of course I skipped on the gene that enables all other females to suffer in silence.

[jaye944]

Originally Posted by Taskmaster

Broke up a month ago, and last I heard, she's with a new guy doing the same thing over again. It sucks, and it hurts - but I'm better in the long run, and you will be too.

^^^^^ this right here,

both Men & women have traits that they will do "usually" regardless of who there with.

as a example if your partner abuses's you fair chance they will do another person. In other words, "you" are not the problem "they are"

The problem comes when in women "They believe" they can change the man's behavior and CAN'T and men "accept" the behavior and either live with it or move on ,

[Never_Enough]

Originally Posted by Rampant

You might be misunderstanding me.

If the OP does truly love his GF, then this might be enough *for him*.

Like I said - you can't change who you fall in love with - and that's all there is to it, sometimes.

I sometimes have a difficult time with my Mrs. But the fact remains that I do love her and that means I don't give up on it.

But everyone is different, and I know for a fact that some guys are not able to love anyone but themselves. For an onlooker, this might appear to be an ideal life, when one can flit from one thing to another and never really become attached, but for them, they will be lonely. Always. So I'll stick with my perhaps unperfect match, in some people's eyes, because in reality, I have the one I love, even though I know that every relationship is always a to some extent favours one side or the other in some way. That's how real life works for some people. Great that we're all different, though

Yours Aye

Mark H

But if someone changes into a person you did not fall in love with, all bets are off.

Originally Posted by Rampant

Also keep asking her what she'd like to do. If all she responds is wanting to relax, then after a few days, in as respectful and kind a way as possible, remind her that "we've been relaxing for a few days now, so I'd like for *us to do *blah for a nice change, maybe tomorrow, and we can relax the day after if you'd like".

Peeps with experience will tell you that OP has likely already been there/done that; if not, he wouldn't have started this thread.

Also lol at "you can't change who you fall in love with." Although that maybe true, that doesn't mean that you should be forced to stick it out when your gut is telling you otherwise; especially when the only thing you really have to lose is a BF/GF title (no kids, not married, etc.). The law of averages suggests that your logic is also less intrinsic given time and options.

For instance, a kid in a small town who can't drive and doesn't have a smart phone is more likely to take your mantra to heart and hold onto his HS sweetheart for dear life than someone who's ~22, lives in NYC, and is on 5 different dating apps. It's a numbers game. The easier it is to find someone more "your speed" the less likely you are to continue to invest time/effort/etc. into a devalued relationship.

[Rampant]

Originally Posted by FCobra94

Peeps with experience will tell you that OP has likely already been there/done that; if not, he wouldn't have started this thread.

Also lol at "you can't change who you fall in love with." Although that maybe true, that doesn't mean that you should be forced to stick it out when your gut is telling you otherwise; especially when the only thing you really have to lose is a BF/GF title (no kids, not married, etc.). The law of averages suggests that your logic is also less intrinsic given time and options.

For instance, a kid in a small town who can't drive and doesn't have a smart phone is more likely to take your mantra to heart and hold onto his HS sweetheart for dear life than someone who's ~22, lives in NYC, and is on 5 different dating apps. It's a numbers game. The easier it is to find someone more "your speed" the less likely you are to continue to invest time/effort/etc. into a devalued relationship.

All valid points, of course.

At the point you no longer love someone, then of course that doesn't mean you're obliged to stick it out. But on the other hand, if you do still love someone, then perhaps work on it and at least make some effort to keep the fire stoked. Don't take for granted, though. Love isn't a free pass.

The OP may or may not feel that the effort is worth it, but that's on him. I was just trying to make a counterpoint to all those jumping immediately to the "get out fast" argument.

Food for thought. That is all.

In the end, its up to the OP, and he may find some post on this thread that resonates with his emotions, and helps concrete his own thoughts.

All the best

Mark H

[omasou]

cut bait, run, it is NOT going to improve.