How bad was the first year of your son / daughter being born?

[Joekerr]

Sort of tied to the "why do people want to have kids" thread I guess, but serious question - is the first year always rough (and I mean really rough) when your son or daughter was born?

Does it really get any better?

Because honestly, it's hell right now, and he's five months. I really want to believe it will get better, but I don't know. He's not eating (very well), was losing weight (now he's sort of stabilized a little, but not gaining as he should). His feeding is at best chaotic - if you allow his arms to be free he'll fight to get the bottle away from him...if you sort of swaddle him, he'll take an ounce or two before fighting...but he almost always fights. But once you get him all calmed down, rock him, sing to him, he'll relax, and generally take the rest of the bottle asleep (dream feeding) because he isn't aware he's feeding.

He's been to the pediatrician numerous times, they don't know why he's not hungry, so they're no help. Its been so stressful on our marriage, my wife and I are constantly at each other's throats over this feeding issue.

I'm so frustrated. I'm almost at the point of dropping him off at the hospital so that someone else can feed him for a few days and see that something is wrong...and actually do something about it. Because no one seems to care.

The only reason he looks halfway healthy is that we sing him to sleep and get him to take the rest of the bottle, its not a long term solution. But I can't just let him not eat either and tank, that's just not right.

And we've tried everything (different bottles, numerous formulas including hypoallergenic expensive stuff, different nipples, everything we can think of).

I just want to know it gets better.

[KingOfJericho]

You situation is not really the norm so it's difficult to compare. The first year is definitely not easy by any stretch but the first six months are definitely the worst. You are essentially an employee of the kid and you get very little feedback in return. It's a stressful time for everyone involved.

What I will say is that you're about to hit the turning point of them becoming much more fun and interactive. My daughter is now 21 months old and her baby brother is due in about a month. She is an absolute blast so I have complete amnesia regarding the first few months at this point but I'm about to do it all again.

[grieverr]

Every situation is different. I'm sorry to hear you're having a hard time.

For me, thankfully feeding was not an issue. It was the sleep schedule that got us. But, like everything else, it passes.

I have no advice for feeding, but I'd like to tell you to maybe ease up on the wife. I know you're both frustrated. But as a new mother, she may feel some level of guilt thinking that maybe she's doing something wrong, or that she did/ate something during pregnancy to cause this. Support her. She loves that baby just as much as you do and I'm sure she'll do anything to get him to eat more regularly. Let her mother's intuition guide her in some things.

To this day, I still don't agree with how my wife handles every situation with the kids. But she is their mother and loves them very much and only wants the best for them. You have to give her some room to do things her way once in a while. It will save you a lot of aggravation.

This will pass. Have patience.

[apexit]

Ours was the exception, slept through the night at 10 weeks and loves eating. Just hang in there, it does get better. There's nothing better than those little hugs

[KingOfJericho]

Do you guys shake the formula or stir it? Many people put the powder in and shake the shit out of it but that creates tiny bubbles that some kids have a tough time with. If you're not doing it already, try stirring the formula and see if that helps.

[Joekerr]

Yeah, we heard about the air bubbles too, so we stir.

I don't know, maybe I am being too tough, I'll re-evaluate. I do try to be a support, but ultimately, maybe I'm not being enough of a support...I don't know.

I'm taking a six month pat leave, so I'm going to be in her shoes in a month and I'll know first hand what she's going through lol

[KingOfJericho]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

I'm taking a six month pat leave, so I'm going to be in her shoes in a month and I'll know first hand what she's going through lol

To be honest, starting in a month, you'll be getting to the game during the 7th inning stretch. It gets much easier after the six month mark (and exponentially easier after 12) so don't poke your wife with comments about it not being so hard. She's bore the brunt of it already.

[apexit]

forgot to add, try not to use up vaca or sick days. Ours got sick every 3-4 weeks the first winter. We had her in daycare so she was exposed to a lot of germs/ viruses.

[KingOfJericho]

Originally Posted by apexit

forgot to add, try not to use up vaca or sick days. Ours got sick every 3-4 weeks the first winter. We had her in daycare so she was exposed to a lot of germs/ viruses.

He's in Canada so they're much more liberal (read: realistic) with their maternity and paternity leave. The policy in the US is an absolute embarassment by global standards.

These are the countries with which we share our maternity leave policy: Papua New Guinea, Swaziland, Liberia and Lesotho.

[kscarrol]

Agreed with K of J but the feeding issue is not normal and I can understand your frustration and the stress it can put on your marriage! I would pressure the doctors more, something doesn't sound right. Maybe he has acid reflux or some other issue which makes not want to eat properly...

[Joekerr]

Yeah, that's what they thought too, he's on some heavy duty anti-reflux meds already, and has been for about 4 weeks, but I'm not convinced its the problem (really hasn't improved greatly).

[bkM3]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Yeah, we heard about the air bubbles too, so we stir.

I don't know, maybe I am being too tough, I'll re-evaluate. I do try to be a support, but ultimately, maybe I'm not being enough of a support...I don't know.

I'm taking a six month pat leave, so I'm going to be in her shoes in a month and I'll know first hand what she's going through lol

sounds like my kid at a couple of months. it sounds like your using powder formula, try the enfamil gentlease LIQUID and stick with it until he gets used to it. no bubbles so and its much easier on the stomach. we also found out that he had acid reflux so the doc prescribed some drops and he was like a different kid. 10 months now and eats like a champ.

also, we learned to feed him in a sitting or upright position so the food digests more easily. it really helped.

[Red Bread]

Yep, got a 5 month old on formula. Gas drops in every bottle or the Kraken hits. HARD.

Good advice on trying the premade stuff. We tried to change from Similac to Enfamil and it was hell, went back to Similac and a has been fine.

We feed him sitting up and burp him after every 50mL or so. We also try to keep him upright for 20-30 minutes after he's done eating. Hang in there.

[P1]

My son just turned five months, and the first few weeks were difficult. He was also not eating well, and not gaining any weight. It was to the point where my wife had to weigh him after every feeding with a medical grade scale to see if he even ate at all. We tried everything, until the pediatrician finally told us to start mixing in formula along with the breast milk. Eventually we made the full switch to formula only. That's not easy on the mother as it makes them feel like they "failed" to provide nourishment for the baby, but it was an excellent move for the baby. Eventually, it took a lot of stress away from my wife also, and things got much better. After being on formula only, my son started growing like a cauliflower. Fortunately for us, he's an excellent sleeper and has slept through the night pretty much from the very beginning.

For many women, it's an extremely tough period and you just need to be there for her and support her as much as possible. Remember that her hormones are still out of whack, so keep that in mind. It can only get easier mate.

[Whostheboss]

Damn JoeKerr, hope it all turns around and works out for you.

[mastereh]

Originally Posted by Joekerr

Sort of tied to the "why do people want to have kids" thread I guess, but serious question - is the first year always rough (and I mean really rough) when your son or daughter was born?

Does it really get any better?

Because honestly, it's hell right now, and he's five months. I really want to believe it will get better, but I don't know. He's not eating (very well), was losing weight (now he's sort of stabilized a little, but not gaining as he should). His feeding is at best chaotic - if you allow his arms to be free he'll fight to get the bottle away from him...if you sort of swaddle him, he'll take an ounce or two before fighting...but he almost always fights. But once you get him all calmed down, rock him, sing to him, he'll relax, and generally take the rest of the bottle asleep (dream feeding) because he isn't aware he's feeding.

He's been to the pediatrician numerous times, they don't know why he's not hungry, so they're no help. Its been so stressful on our marriage, my wife and I are constantly at each other's throats over this feeding issue.

I'm so frustrated. I'm almost at the point of dropping him off at the hospital so that someone else can feed him for a few days and see that something is wrong...and actually do something about it. Because no one seems to care.

The only reason he looks halfway healthy is that we sing him to sleep and get him to take the rest of the bottle, its not a long term solution. But I can't just let him not eat either and tank, that's just not right.

And we've tried everything (different bottles, numerous formulas including hypoallergenic expensive stuff, different nipples, everything we can think of).

I just want to know it gets better.

Every kid is different; I have 2 now, a son that just turned 3 and a daughter who is now 7 months old.

Honestly you and your wife need to be on the same page; if he's not drinking a full bottle then go longer between feeds. With both my son and daughter after a nap I'd change them, then let them play; give them chew toys; tummy time; sit in a swing etc., then once they start to get cranky that's the time to feed.

My son was born big nearly 10lbs and he had drink a lot to start gaining weight; he lost a lot in that first week but eventually through breast feeding and formula (ready to feed) he started to gain.

For gas I bought a product called Bio Gia:
http://www.biogaia.com/product/bioga...ectis-drops-16

It works WONDERS!!! Also do lots of leg exercise with the kid bringing the knees up to the chest. Get that kid farting.

Bottles; we used the Dr Browns plastic bottles:
http://www.drbrownsbaby.com/bottles-...tles/wide-neck

These are designed to reduce gas; and they are wide enough that kids can start to hold them.

Also talk to your doctor about introducing baby foods. I started both my kids on real food at 4 months. We started with Apple sauce, then sweet potato, overcooked and blended rice, whole grain rice cereal.

The real fun comes at 6 months; your kid will start sitting up and from there getting ready to crawl. The first 6 months are tough and kids are tough.

Also learn how to swaddle them properly; it should be tight so that they cannot remove their arms; not tight enough to suffocate them but tight.

[KingOfJericho]

+1 on the Doc Browns bottles. Worked wonders for us.

[TXSTYLE]

I really take issue with your title. Why not: "How Great, Blessed, Rewarding or even Challenging? Instead of "Bad"? Way too negative for any parent to say. But hopefully you will learn to cherish the blessing that is having a child (millions can not!).

Now then... My experience as a father of 2 beautiful baby boys is "pure joy and complete satisfaction"! Both were very energetic babies that were (and are still) very healthy. We got them on a 'sleep regime' where at the age of 2 months, they began sleeping thought the night 6-9 hrs! It requires patience and resistance to the urge of always picking them up every time they cry or want attention.
I wish you and your family the same happiness and joy our boys have brought us. Cherish every single day and moment you have with them.
With regard to the eating and health concerns, I will tell you like I tell anyone: Always consider going to and getting a second or third opinion from other doctors or qualified pediatric specialists. Doctors are NOT God! They are humans that have a specific level of education in medicine. But another individual may have a different approach that works far better for your circumstance.

[bkM3]

+2 on the doc brown bottles. they are a pain in the ass to clean but they are great for gas.

+1 on sleep regimen. my wife was very tough about that. our boy was sleeping through the night at about 3 months.

[kevinbahnz]

Just hang in there. My daughter will be 6 months tomorrow and it just gets better and better. There are times when she's fussy and doesn't want to take the bottle, maybe the milks contaminated or they're just not hungry. Who knows, just be patient and hang in there. It will get better once they start talking and communicate better.

[KingOfJericho]

Not that it's relevant in this particular case, but the most important factor in our sanity during the first couple of months was "cry it out" methodology. Once you've gone down the entire flow chart of reasons why your kid might be crying, they're just going to cry. You'll drive yourself nuts trying to "solve" for each instance so let them cry it out. They'll get tired of crying and learn very quickly that they're just wasting their energy. The obvious urge is to pick up your kid at every sniffle, but you're just going to form bad habits. I have friends with kids who are three and still don't sleep through the night, others who are talking in sentences but still sucking on a pacifier. It's a nightmare for everyone involved. Cry... it... out!

[Mr Tonka]

That sucks to hear joekerr, I hope it turns around for you guys pretty quick.

In the mean time, to try and ease some tension between you and your wife, pick up some small gift for her that will be meaningful to her. Offer to take her feeding turn a couple times this week. You guys need a united front now more than ever. It likely seems like your son is dominating all of your spare time and taking 100% attention from both you and your wife, but don't forget to take care of each other's needs as well. It won't be easy logistically, but it will make everything else easier.

Hang tough, it'll work it out sooner than later.

FWIW, i have a friend who's son couldn't fall asleep unless he was in a car. So every night, at bed time, she put him in the car and drove around for 20 to 30 min until he fell asleep. for F O U R years. It's highly unlikely you'll have this issue for that long.

So focus on your wife needs so you both can care for your son's needs. Bare in mind that your wife, having carried you son for 9 months in addition to what you're both going through now may not reciprocate immediately to your extra efforts. Don't let that deter you.