Why do people WANT kids?

[ddk632]

Originally Posted by KingOfJericho

Who ever said that people who choose not to have kids are not happy??

What was said was that people who don't have kids don't know true happiness until they have kids. I quoted the line in my earlier post.

[KingOfJericho]

Originally Posted by ddk632

What was said was that people who don't have kids don't know true happiness until they have kids. I quoted the line in my earlier post.

He was being sarcastic...

[ddk632]

I doubt it.

And, I wasn't singling out Mr. Tonka;

I have heard that same thing said, not sarcastically, countless times.

[davis449]

Originally Posted by ddk632

I doubt it.

And, I wasn't singling out Mr. Tonka;

I have heard that same thing said, not sarcastically, countless times.

I think he was being sarcastic, but I understand how that response repeated over and over again to you by people who say and mean that could make you assume so. I hear it all the time...

[ddk632]

Ok I went back and re-read it and can definitely see the sarcasm, especially after going back a couple extra pages for some context, which I hadn't done this morning.

I'm not here to be right about anything, so thanks for pointing out the sarcasm for me;

I will say what inspired my rant is that it has most definitely been my experience that *some* people who have kids actually use that same argument and truly, really believe it themselves. Which, as per my rant, just rubs me the wrong way. Let people be and respect other people's choices. That's all I'm saying.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by ddk632

Ok I went back and re-read it and can definitely see the sarcasm, especially after going back a couple extra pages for some context, which I hadn't done this morning.

I'm not here to be right about anything, so thanks for pointing out the sarcasm for me;

I will say what inspired my rant is that it has most definitely been my experience that *some* people who have kids actually use that same argument and truly, really believe it themselves. Which, as per my rant, just rubs me the wrong way. Let people be and respect other people's choices. That's all I'm saying.

It was truth in sarcasm. I've heard that from countless parents that i personally know. And have read it plenty of times on line, in forums, and this thread. Maybe not in plain wording like i said it, but it's typically implied, either inadvertently or purposely.

Any sane person knows that happiness is a state of mind. And anyone who tries add or subtract one aspect of life to or from someone's existing life, in order to make them happier is a delusional individual.

[ddk632]

Good stuff, Tonka. I knew you were one of the sane ones.

[monkeybingo]

Because.. I am so sick dealing with dumb people out there.

[Mr Tonka]

Originally Posted by MiddleAgedAl

This makes me very sad. To try and deal with the sorrow, I think my wife and I are going to have to grab one of those cheap last minute deals again and fly to Vegas this weekend, because, you know, we can do that.

In the day, I'll go wring the neck of a 458 Italia at Las Vegas Motor Speedway with Exotics Racing (got a discount coupon from the last time I went) while the Mrs amuses herself at the Forum Shops, then hit the SW Steakhouse at the Wynn for dinner, and catch a show at night.

It's clearly no substitute for having our own screaming bundle of poop machine, but we're quite self-involved and shallow, so that trip will really help us get over it.

Coincidence that recently the wife and i were in Vegas and we both went to the speedway for some track time. I turned 16 laps in the F430GT and she went out in the Scuderia. (of which i failed to get a picture) Good times!

[grimlock]

What you get is the people on either side who question their decision arguing with the same people of the opposite, whereas those on both sides who are satisfied with their decision have no need for it.

It's not the merits of having or not that will sway you but what your OWN preferences are wrt them.

Think of it as vanilla, chocolate or (god forbid) strawberry.

[ddk632]

Any god that forbids strawberry is no god in my book. Off with his head!

[JimM6GC]

Originally Posted by ddk632

I will say what inspired my rant is that it has most definitely been my experience that *some* people who have kids actually use that same argument and truly, really believe it themselves. Which, as per my rant, just rubs me the wrong way. Let people be and respect other people's choices. That's all I'm saying.

And people who seriously talk like that probably never took a basic psych class in college, and especially more specialized courses like Personality Theory, where they would see how silly they look.

[carve]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

carve,

First and foremost, you were NOT the cause of your parents' divorce. Something you really need to remove from your programming. Hopefully you can get past that.

I never thought so

Second, all the lifestyle you have now can continue after you have a child. It would add to the things you and your SO can do TOGETHER and with your child(ren) Next time you are in the airport, on the slopes, diving: look around. Don't you see kids too?

Almost never. I'm about to go mountain biking with my GF now that work is over. That, for example, would be no longer possible without finding a baby sitter. No more spontaneous anything, which is how we typically do things.

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by carve

Almost never. I'm about to go mountain biking with my GF now that work is over. That, for example, would be no longer possible without finding a baby sitter. No more spontaneous anything, which is how we typically do things.

It's a concession you (or her) would have to make: the baby seat on the back and a bit milder course. But that is the opportunity to show your child those wonders, get him/her into a healthy lifestyle.

Heck, when I found out the M school was on the west coast, I was stoked. Then I saw I could take my son on the same day and he could do the teen driving. Something my dad didn't/couldn't do with me, but ANOTHER opportunity to do something with my son. He fishes with me (if there is a galley on the boat) surfs, would like to try skiing/snowboarding.

[carve]

Originally Posted by Mr Tonka

Stop kidding yourself Al. You will never know the kind of love that parents know. It's incomprehensible for those who don't have kids. You might think you're happy, but you won't know true happiness until you have a child of your own. Actually, until your child does something so cute it just turns your heart to goo.

You get a dose of oxytocin when dealing with your own kid (particularly if you're a woman) because it prevents you from wringing the poop machines neck. Not everyone gets the same rush. I've never felt the slightest tickle of that holding anybody else's baby, even one I'm related to; I just hope I don't break it or it doesn't puke or crap on me before I can give it back. I do feel a tickle of that when I hold a puppy though.

I honestly don't find kids particularly cute. I had college friends stay with me a few years ago with their two year old. What a little a-hole. He was outright mean, and like having a blender with no lid. My friend is miserable, his relationship with his wife is in ruins, and their lifestyle sucks. It's not that they don't love their kids- they do, more than anything; it's just that every other aspect of their life sucks. He confided he's jealous of my lifestyle and would probably go that route if he could hit rewind (and our careers and lives were almost identical until he got married and had kids)

True happiness is largely a choice. You have to control some things like taking care of your needs (like sleep, companionship and sex), but beyond that it's a choice. What you're feeling is a natural oxytocin rush from external stimuli, which is fine, but that doesn't make it "true". Also, more than likely your kid will cease being affectionate around age 12

[carve]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

It's a concession you (or her) would have to make: the baby seat on the back and a bit milder course. But that is the opportunity to show your child those wonders, get him/her into a healthy lifestyle.

Heck, when I found out the M school was on the west coast, I was stoked. Then I saw I could take my son on the same day and he could do the teen driving. Something my dad didn't/couldn't do with me, but ANOTHER opportunity to do something with my son. He fishes with me (if there is a galley on the boat) surfs, would like to try skiing/snowboarding.

Yeah- I'm not interested in that concession. It would be harmful to the relationship. A "bit" milder? Going from double black diamond to green is not a bit, and there's no way a bike seat would even be possible anywhere near the terrain and bikes I use, which is why i almost never encounter kids while doing my activities. It would no longer be interesting for me, so just another concession of something that brings me joy for the kid

Also, there's no guarantee my kid would like the same things. My dad was resentful I didn't have his interests, like fishing for example (and we had a river 30' from our front door)

[grimlock]

Originally Posted by carve

What you're feeling is a natural oxytocin rush from external stimuli, which is fine, but that doesn't make it "true".

That applies to EVERYTHING in existence..

[Sara]

A lady in the office next to us just walked in to show me her 2 month old. The cooing, sneezing, and smell of newish born baby is just an "aaaawwwwweeeeee".

Children make the world a better place. The innocence, the laughter, the love.


I want another one.

[Billup]

The house I'm in the works of purchasing smells like a baby. There were baby items all over the inside...,


I don't like the way babies smell. They smell funny. There I said it.

[Sara]

Originally Posted by Billup

The house I'm in the works of purchasing smells like a baby. There were baby items all over the inside...,


I don't like the way babies smell. They smell funny. There I said it.

Yeah, if you dont bathe them! lol

[upstatedoc]

Originally Posted by Sara504

Children make the world a better place. I want another one.

What does the mister have to say about that?

[davis449]

Carve, buddy, I understand you. I know how you feel (minus the shitty parents, 'cause mine are great). For instance, Sara504's last post about that 2 month old? Yeah, those actions from that 2 month old make her go "aaaawwwwweeeeee" and me want to go throw up. Also, nothing pisses me off more than when people bring their damn kids to work. So far everything you've said is precisely me regarding kids and the same goes for your marriage thread (I'm not gonna double post this in there with word change-outs)...but here's what you need to understand. You are in the minority in this world. You've gotten all the "answers" you're gonna get out of this thread topic (and the the other). You need to be more like me and just realize that your viewpoints and choices just aren't in line with most people's and move on. You will take abuse and field dumbass questions from dumbass married people who do or don't have kids. They will come from every angle: your family, your friends\acquaintances, and even strangers on message boards. It's the price you have to pay for the life you want and love to live. So pay it and move on. Let the parents be parents, married people be married, and you be you. You won't change minds, you won't understand them (truly), and they won't understand you (truly). Just time to get over it.