updating this post with video
a shout out to ANTWAN229, who pointed out the BWM display key also works in the charging slot. Bonus!!
If you look at the parts list for BMW and the wireless charger, there are a bunch of part numbers. Also a bunch that END in 2018. My car was built in late 2017. iPhone 12 Pro came out October, 23, 2020.. Iphone Pro 11 came out September 2019. iPhone X in November 2017. Maybe BMW figured out they needed to adjust the part for more modern phones? Very possible. Someone at Apple would have been testing the camera-bump iPhones on their BMW test-cars before the phones shipped.
Or, they just figured out the pre-2018 ones were less reliable and went to a superseding part. I know KK22 said they are having zero problems with iPhone 13.