What's that? You wanna chit chat? Welcome to the whore thread!

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by jtodd_fl

smoosh will steal this roadsign on his way back to DC



(There isn't a "Now entering..." or "Now leaving..." which would have been funnier."

DAMMIT! I passed through SD on my way to CA, wish I knew about it earlier haha

[ASBSECU E93]

Originally Posted by F87LUV

Do you watch penny dreadful? That show is awesome.

This. Great show.

Not sure they'll have another season though

[F87LUV]

Originally Posted by jtodd_fl

In a chocolate and pie related note, have you every tried French Silk Pie... you need to. Get the old-school recipe where they don't worry about egg safety - its amazing. And while your own cream - a little sugar and vanilla... the BEST. Srs.

Not a huge fan of chocolate. I did have four egg tarts this weekend because we passed through Chinatown for dim sum and I can't say no to those.

[smoosh]

Originally Posted by ASBSECU E93

Hey smoosh - heard you have chocolate Yahoo ass nowadays...?

[F87LUV]

Originally Posted by ASBSECU E93

This. Great show.

Not sure they'll have another season though

Right now, the show has ended. The rest is speculation. I haven't had a chance to catch up on season three.

[jtodd_fl]

Originally Posted by bimmette

No, is it scary? I don't watch scary shit. I just have some insider info on this one.

Orly... tell me more...

[Axius]

Damnit! I should have been able to make the second thread since I started the first one!

[ASBSECU E93]

Originally Posted by shoei

What are you babbling about?!! We all have cars that run !!!

Plus your e46 isn't exactly a symphony... Unless you put a straight pipe on your Volkswagen ?!

As luck would have it, I have 2 VW's that are straight pipe

[silvergray545]

Originally Posted by shoei

What are you babbling about?!! We all have cars that run !!!

Plus your e46 isn't exactly a symphony... Unless you put a straight pipe on your Volkswagen ?!

Just wait until I get home, you SOB!

And the VW is straight piped from the turbo all the way to the rear muffler.

[shoei]

Originally Posted by silvergray545

Just wait until I get home, you SOB!

And the VW is straight piped from the turbo all the way to the rear muffler.

So it sounds like a rice rocket?

[Axius]

Originally Posted by shoei

So it sounds like a rice rocket?

Honda Civic with a broken cat and 4" muffler

[ASBSECU E93]

Originally Posted by smoosh

Or a more southern term....

THE GREEN APPLE SPLATTERS

[F87LUV]

Originally Posted by Biorin

Haven't tried Dominique Ansel, but I've heard good things. I'll have to check it out. I love Laduree, but have always felt like the macarons just lose something on their way over from Paris... not quite the same. The ispahan, though

Haven't had that. I like the harmonie. I'm obsessed with the Marie Antoinette cakes.

[///M Power-Belgium]

Where am I ?

I'm lost... !!!

[ASBSECU E93]

Originally Posted by shoei

So it sounds like a rice rocket?

DIESEL POWER!!!

Stoplight to stoplight - I'm crushing that weed eater sounding F8X in a 5k lb SUV :::

[smoosh]

Found it!!

Enjoy -- PS I included a pic of us from the night of just to prove that I did actually go there and this event did actually happen...

Side note...I look nothing like that now lol This was almost 2 years ago...

Last week, my girlfriend had a military Christmas ball that she invited me to as her date (she's a nurse in the navy). I gladly tagged along, it sounded pretty exciting to me. Little did I know it would be the shittiest day of my life.

After some photos and catching up with her work buddies, we took our seats in the ballroom of a hotel for dinner. There were approximately 1,100 people total there, and about 10 sitting at each table. I sat next to my girlfriend and a high-ranked officer. I didn't think much of it, to be honest, I wasn't particularly familiar with military ranking and such, but had a general idea. I struck a conversation with the gentleman, and we started talking, and drinking a beer. Then, for whatever reason, my stomach starting KILLING me. There was an excruciating pain in the lower part of my stomach, around my bladder area. I got up and went to the bathroom. To my relief, it was just a violent fart (silent but deadly) and I let it rip. I returned to the table, much more relaxed.

10 minutes later, same deal. Pain in my lower stomach region. I knew it was a silent one, but the smell of the previous violent fart was absolutely deadly, so I chose to get up and leave for the bathroom again. Same deal. I may have knocked out the gentleman next to me in the stall, because I believe he keeled over while sitting on the toilet as I was leaving. The smell was that bad.

I returned to the table, and my girlfriend checked in with me if I was OK. "Hell yeah, baby, I'm gucci" I replied, oblivious as to what I was in for that lovely evening. Literally 3 minutes later, same pain. Ughh, wtf. I didn't want to get up and leave again, I would just seem weird to the people at the table. So, I elected to hold it in and judge where it goes from there. The gas was at the point where it's near the end of your asshole, so you have to clench your ass cheeks extra tight to hold it in. As I was doing so, I managed to knock over the red wine glass next to me, right on the uniform of the officer sitting next to me. It was completely full, and I felt so bad because it stained the hell out of his pants. I apologized several times, but I knew he was pretty pissed. I tried to clear that out of my mind, and continue with the night.

My violent farts subsided for dinner, and I enjoyed the hell out of that chicken breast and bullshit Dunkin Donuts bran muffin they served to us like we were in a homeless shelter. 10-15 minutes following dinner, the highest-ranked officer(?) of Walter Reed started walking around and talking with the various tables. Not sure of his position, but I knew he was in the highest position (my apologies for my ignorance in military ranking). As he approached our table, everyone stood up to shake his hand. I was completely zoned out and my girlfriend tapped me on my shoulder indicating me to get up. Whoops. At this point, everyone at the table happened to all be staring at me. What's worse? The second I get up...violent fart. And this son of a bitch was an awful one. Silent but VERY deadly. Oh shit. Here approaches the officer. Shit shit shit. The second I reach out to grip his hand, he smells it. The indescribable look on his face can never, and should never be replicated by any man walking on this planet. I'm surprised he was still conscious after taking a whiff of that digested Dunkin Donuts bran muffin and chicken breast.

The second he walked away, I dashed off to the bathroom in embarrassment. As I was walking, I felt another sharp pain, this time in my anal region. Figuring it was just another fart, I entered the stall and let it rip. Let me tell you, it certainly was not a fart. It was a long, steamy, thick poop, that came out about three-quarters of the way. I quickly yanked my pants down, and let it go. Ahh, yes relief. This was it! This was what I was waiting for all night! I felt so damned relieved and excited leaving the restroom, spectators could have confused me for just winning the lottery!

Wait, wait, one final sharp pain began boiling in my lower stomach, the fart region. There were several individuals standing around near the restroom, so I decided not to turn around and go back in (to minimize the chances of letting it rip in their presence and having to walk back past them after visiting the restroom), but rather figured I would do one of the old, "step-fart-step-fart" dances as I walked back to the ballroom. I approached several couples standing and taking pictures near a Christmas tree. WHAT THE HELL? This fart could no longer wait. I knew it had to be done. I used what I learned in elementary math, regarding angles and shit, and figured it would be best to walk in this direction while letting it rip, as it would be a silent one again:



I didn't realize that I just took a dump, so it would not be a silent one any longer! I let it rip, and the mortified look on everyone's face was truly enthralling. No, really, I felt like an angel momentarily, splitting between the couples, all eyes on me. I was so embarrassed at that moment, I literally became delusional. I must have hit above 100 decibels with that one, even the Christmas tree aged and might have died due to environmental pollution caused by my gas.

I walked back into the ballroom, and took a seat next to the officer with a now red-dyed uniform. I got so drunk that night at a bar, I didn't realize I was conversing with one of the victims to my deadly farts, until my girlfriend told me his wife may or may not have vomited to the stench of the gas.

I like to think she did not

[Axius]

I just want some mother fucking creme brulee

[Biorin]

Originally Posted by F87LUV

Haven't had that. I like the harmonie. I'm obsessed with the Marie Antoinette cakes.

Brb, making weekend pastry plans.

[silvergray545]

Originally Posted by shoei

So it sounds like a rice rocket?

I'm going to have to take two videos now.

NO SHOEI, IT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE RICE!

Originally Posted by Axius

Honda Civic with a broken cat and 4" muffler

Do you want me to send you a burnt burger too?

[F87LUV]

Originally Posted by Axius

I just want some mother fucking creme brulee

I make that from scratch. I use mason jars instead of ramekins for a less bougie look.

[Axius]

Originally Posted by silvergray545

Do you want me to send you a burnt burger too?

Shut it Gayboy, I will not tolerate your insolence!

Originally Posted by F87LUV

I make that from scratch. I use mason jars instead of ramekins for a less bougie look.

Soo uhhhh, whatcha doin this weekend?

[jtodd_fl]

Originally Posted by ///M Power-Belgium

Where am I ?

I'm lost... !!!

This may help ///M Power-Belgium

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