You know you're old when...

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by UncleWede

Negative, but wife says this is a soccer career ending injury

Condolences from the thread's resident amateur race car driver who was forced into medical retirement eight years ago.....

[Llarry]

Floor

[M_Six]

Originally Posted by Llarry

Floor

So true. And why is that?

[Llarry]

Originally Posted by M_Six

So true. And why is that?

Because we are old and decrepit, I would guess.

[vreihen16]

Originally Posted by Llarry

Floor

Amen!!!

I was at a distant Tractor Supply store a few weeks ago, and saw an E-track hand strap loop that clipped into the cargo restraints in the almost-Mighty Freightliner. I threw it into our cart without even looking at the price. My DW asked me why I wanted it, and I answered "Help me! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

For the record, I already used it more than once this past weekend.....

[UncleWede]

Originally Posted by vreihen16

Condolences from the thread's resident amateur race car driver who was forced into medical retirement eight years ago.....

She told me to find a sport that uses my brain
da fuq???

I guess it’s back to the weights in the gym. They usually have some 2.5lb barbells

[3798j]

Posting here so there's no "who's he?"..."what's a carburetor?"

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".

[M_Six]

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.

This! LOL

[dradernh]

Originally Posted by 3798j

Posting here so there's no "who's he?"..."what's a carburetor?"

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE
1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.
2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California and mine is in Texas.
3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.
4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.
5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.
7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, "In the lake."
8. She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.
9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!".
10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.
11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was 'Always'.
12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.
13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!".

Red Skelton was my favorite comedian during that era. I enjoyed him best when he was doing his Clem Kadiddlehopper routine.

Another one of his: "There are three signs of old age: loss of memory...I forget the other two."

[Esteban]

Originally Posted by 3798j

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

Used to watch his TV show every week. A comic genius. Always ended his show with his signature closing line; "good night and may God bless."

“The Red Skelton Show is an American television comedy/variety show that aired from 1951 to 1971. In the decade prior to hosting the show, Richard "Red" Skelton had a successful career as a radio and motion pictures star. Although his television series is largely associated with CBS, where it appeared for more than sixteen years, it actually began and ended on NBC. During its run, the program received three Emmy Awards, for Skelton as best comedian and the program as best comedy show during its initial season, and an award for comedy writing in 1961. In 1959 Skelton also received a Golden Globe for Best TV Show.”

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Red_Skelton_Show

[Llarry]

Injury

[vreihen16]

^^^^^^ Laughed too hard! ^^^^^^

[sygazelle]

Originally Posted by Llarry

Floor

So true. I actually make a plan to get up when I'm doing anything that requires getting down on the ground (gardening, fixing sprinklers, etc). This even goes for getting out of the bathtub in the rare event that I take a bath to soak these tired bones. My plan usually involves rolling over onto my hands and knees and putting hands on something to help me get up. I also keep my cell phone with me just in case. So far so good.

Side note: I still snow ski but I've toned down the aggressive skiiing to avoid falling. So, my plan for falling is to not fall! I hadn't fallen in years until last week. I was skiing with my grandkids and caught them stopped on the side out of the corner of my eye so I braked hard to a stop to see if she needed help. I stopped so fast I lost my balance and fell backwards and sat in the snow with my skis still attached. My grandkids laughed their butts off that I finally fell. I told them I just sat down to take a break but they weren't buying it! It took every ounce of energy to use my poles and stand back up. I wasn't about to take my skis off and give them more ammunition for teasing me.

[Lady Jane]

Originally Posted by sygazelle

I actually make a plan to get up when I'm doing anything that requires getting down

I guess your Kamasutra must be very, very limited.

[Esteban]

Sounds like you made your grandkids' day, sygazelle, giving them a good laugh.

[sygazelle]

Originally Posted by Esteban

Sounds like you made your grandkids' day, sygazelle, giving them a good laugh.

I actually love it when they get one on me. We have such fun together. I'm thinking of starting a new thread based on Graucho Marx quote: "“Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.” Heck, I'm going to do it!

[Esteban]

Originally Posted by sygazelle

I actually love it when they get one on me. We have such fun together. I'm thinking of starting a new thread based on Graucho Marx quote: "“Growing old is something you do if you're lucky.” Heck, I'm going to do it!

Yes, I agree… nothing like it. Tbh, I still feel young inside. It’s my body that won’t cooperate.

[sygazelle]

Originally Posted by Lady Jane

I guess your Kamasutra must be very, very limited.

^^^Now THAT is funny right there.

[Buug959]

DISTURBED Is Considering A 25th Anniversary Tour For The Sickness

[M_Six]

When sitting leads to semi-rigor. Not postmortem rigidity, since I'm not dead. Maybe post-exercise rigidity? Loosey-goosey when I sit down. Stiff as cold clay when I stand up again.

[cmyx6go]

So today it was my turn to order lunch and collect $ from everyone. One of the guys comes into my office and puts down a $20. I say wait, what change do I owe you? I look at the email and see his lunch was $18.75 so I owe him $1.25 change. Immediately I start to sing $1.25er, $1.25er. Two finger lickin good pieces of chicken, roll and potatoes....

Can it possibly be that at one time in my life the above only cost $1.25???? Am I that old or am I so old I got the amount wrong?

[M_Six]

Originally Posted by cmyx6go

So today it was my turn to order lunch and collect $ from everyone. One of the guys comes into my office and puts down a $20. I say wait, what change do I owe you? I look at the email and see his lunch was $18.75 so I owe him $1.25 change. Immediately I start to sing $1.25er, $1.25er. Two finger lickin good pieces of chicken, roll and potatoes....

Can it possibly be that at one time in my life the above only cost $1.25???? Am I that old or am I so old I got the amount wrong?

Wifey and I went to a local bar near campus the other day for lunch. This place used to have cheap burgers and fries. You could buy a side basket of fries that was plenty for two people. Two burgers and a basket of fries used to run about $12 there. We hadn't been in a long time, so we decided to go back. They no longer sell the side basket of fries. You have to order fries as a $3 extra when you order your burger. We were pretty surprised at how few fries you got for your $3. And the burgers got pricey. Two McD's sized burgers and the small fries sides cost $28 before a tip. Yikes. We won't be eating there any more.

I kept thinking about "Burger, fries, and a Coke and change back from your dollar." Those days are long gone, I guess.